Youve probably read it a 100 times.

The battle is either won or lost before it begins. Thats Sun Tzu the brilliant, ancient military strategist.

Youve learned it from the best sports coaches the game is won or lost before it begins.

From outstanding athletes, attorneys, political candidates - mental preparation and a commitment of the spirit to victory before the game, the trial, the election, will often determine victory.

You are entering an arena right now. As real as a boxing ring, a tennis court, a courtroom, a job interview.

Your playing partner may not in the same room as you, but she is in your arena. And you need the same mental preparation that an athlete needs to triumph in any arena.

Now its time to make an important mental shift. Are you ready?

There is a competition going on in this arena, yes. But you are not competing against women to beat them into getting them into bed.

The competition is with yourself. It is to see if you defeat, or let go of your lesser self, and craft your best self by first mastering the signifiers with which you represent yourself.

The women at the other end of the fiber optic cable are not enemies to conquered, but your allies in mutual joy and exploration. Women want you to be an awesome, attentive, strong guy. Offer her that, and victory is both of yours.

But there's one thing you need to know about women.

They are much smarter than you.

According to Barbara and Allen Pease, who wrote Why Men Dont Listen and Women Cant Read Maps, while men need to witness tears or a temper tantrum or be slapped on the face before he even has a clue that anything is going on

As childbearers and nest defenders, women needed the ability to sense subtle mood and attitude changes in others. What is commonly called womens intuition is mostly a womans acute ability to notice small details and changes in the appearance or behavior of others Nest defenders, to safeguard their familys survival, needed to be able to pick up small changes in the behavior of their offspring that could signal pain, hunger, injury, aggression or depression. Males, being lunch chasers, were never around the cave long enough to read nonverbal signals or the ways of interpersonal communication.

In other words, women are EXPERTS at reading signifiers. So you need to become expert in how you deploy them!

Far and away the most important set of signifiers you send are those that convey weakness or strength in a man. At reading these, women are Einsteins. They are bloodhounds, they are nuclear-powered Weakness Sniffing Machines.

Thats their job. Thats their wiring. Dont fight it. As the Taoists like to say, ride the horse in the direction in which it is going. Roll with it. Smartly.

What's your lesson here?

Women often say they like vulnerability in a man. But dont make the mistake of confusing vulnerability and weakness. Without understanding this key difference, you are sunk!

Men who succeed online are careful to build a structure with their photos and with their opening profile lines of

Strength
Authenticity
Reliability
Trustworthiness and
The moral high ground

These signifiers must be delivered in both a subtle and sure-handed way.

Step Two, then, is to lay in the vulnerable center, or what women call heart.

It is to your advantage that dating sites are rife with guys who open by calling themselves things like, NiceGuy643 or ANiceMan or YourMomWillLikeMe.

They think they are being cute, but they are, to put a fine point on it repulsive to women. Women can sniff out the desperation, the neediness, the submissiveness of these men. They start weak and women rarely read past the first lines.

Strength first, vulnerability second. Sprinkled with humor, and subtle promises of sensual wakefulness and most importantly - a life more exciting than theirs, and you will find that success is only a simple click away.

Grant Adams, recently featured on ABCs How To Get The Guy, is the author of the Net2Bed Online Dating System Manual: How To Attract The Woman Of Your Dreams For a Night, For a Lifetime or Anything In Between. He offers several free resources, including 7 Online Dating Secrets. You can get your own copy here: Net2BedAmbipolar Diffusion Coefficient
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